Trembling Brightness
by Pandora151
Summary: "I watched you die—twice. And I just can't go through that again."


**A/N: **Hello, friends! The timeline on this story is a _bit _complex. Drifting Starlight (part 2 of the Journey of the Lights series, found in my profile) is required reading for this story. If you haven't read it, go read it and then come back here.

Luminous Spirits (part 3 of the Journey of the Lights series) is suggested reading for this story. Reading that story would supplement this one because this one will make indirect references to that one, and there's the fact that the summary is a quote from Luminous Spirits.

To clarify a bit more (without spoiling anything), the first part of this story takes place during the two-week gap in the epilogue of Drifting Starlight, and the second part takes place in the middle of Luminous Spirits.

Alright, that's all! Enjoy!

* * *

"Hi, Master Kenobi."

Ahsoka shuffled into the room, closing the door behind her. Obi-Wan didn't reply, as expected—he was as still and silent as he was when he was dead, three days ago. But now he apparently was alive, according to his vitals monitors. He certainly didn't look like it—he was hooked up to an IV and a few different monitors, and his face and hands looked bloodless, completely white.

The sight of it was completely _terrifying_.

Obi-Wan was in a coma, the Healers told her. He was dead, and then he was alive, and now there's no knowing when he'll wake, or _if_ he will wake up at all.

And Anakin? Anakin wanted to _leave_, as though that would fix everything.

Ahsoka let out a sigh and sat down next to the bed. "Did you know, Master, that Ventress finally was able to contact her home planet today?" she said softly.

She had no idea if he could actually hear her, but truthfully, she didn't care. Somehow, talking to him gave her peace. And she knew for a fact that she was in desperate need of some peace right now. "You always said that she was misguided, that there was something about her that may have been redeemable."

Ventress hadn't turned back to the Light—Ahsoka would have been _stunned _if that actually happened—but she was willing in the end to help the Jedi, and that was enough, in Ahsoka's opinion. Without Ventress' help, things may have easily ended up a lot worse than they actually did.

"You were right, Master Kenobi," Ahsoka continued, smiling softly. "And I—"

She let out a sob, biting down hard on her bottom lip as soon as the pained sound escaped her mouth. "Sorry," she stuttered. "I didn't—Anakin, you know? He wants to leave me behind. And now you're not waking up, Master Qui-Gon's _gone_, and Anakin's leaving."

Ahsoka exhaled and leaned forward, cradling her face in her hands.

"I can't ask you to wake up, Master."

Ahsoka chuckled then, wiping away at her tears. "Well, I suppose I could, but…that won't make you actually do it, would it? It can't be that easy. And what if you don't want to wake up? What if you don't want to train me? What happens then?"

The sound of the heart monitor beeping steadily echoed back at her. Closing her eyes, Ahsoka leaned back in her chair.

This was all…

Since everything that happened three days ago, Ahsoka forced herself to stay extremely busy. Her arm healed pretty quickly, thanks to the bacta, and then she forced herself to attend all of her classes, to spend as much time as she possibly could with Ventress, researching Dathomir, trying to find a way to reach Mother Talzin, the Clan Mother of the Nightsisters.

She kept herself busy so she wouldn't have to stop. She didn't _want _to stop. Stopping meant that she would think too much about everything that went so wrong, and it would remind her that soon she would be alone.

She didn't _want _to be alone, not after all of this.

But Force, Ahsoka was tired. She couldn't continue like this much longer; it was…it was too much.

It was—

"…'_Soka?"_

Ahsoka's eyes flew open, and she immediately pulled herself forward, looking right at the figure on the bed.

Obi-Wan's eyes were open into tiny slits. His Force presence was…stirring.

Awake, _alive_.

"…Ahsoka," he slurred, voice muffled.

"Master Kenobi?" she whispered, moving forward and placing a hand on his shoulder.

He was awake?

It almost seemed _too_ unbelievable, as though she was dreaming and that when she actually wakes up, she'd find herself in Palpatine's office all over again, staring at her grandmaster's dead body, the Force shattered and destroyed in the wake of his death.

She almost expected to see Anakin standing over his body, like…like he was the one who had killed him. Like he was the one who had brutally ripped into his mind with the Force and…

But…but this was _real_.

Obi-Wan was awake. His eyes were barely open, and it seemed as though he was too groggy to completely understand or remember what happened to him, but it didn't matter.

Obi-Wan let out a quiet sigh, his eyes blinking rapidly. It looked like he was about to fall asleep again, or that he was at a loss, dizzy, possibly confused.

"Ah—ahso—"

The Force _screeched_.

Obi-Wan's eyes slipped shut and he went completely limp as he let out a hoarse gasp, and moments later, the heart monitor wailed.

"Master!" Ahsoka exclaimed, shaking him none-too-gently. "Master, wake up!"

She heard the door slide open as Healers rushed over. Hands grabbed at her sleeves, pulling her away from him. "_No_!" she shouted, tears running down her face, arm outstretched. She struggled, but whoever was holding her kept her away from the crowd of Healers around the bed.

The Force continued to wail, to scream, to fall apart and shatter.

"Ahsoka!"

She looked up. Bant was holding her arms, holding her back, looking at her with wide-eyed concern. "Ahsoka," Bant repeated, voice quiet and gentle over the high-pitched screeching of the vitals monitors. "I know it's difficult, but you must remain calm. The Healers are working on him; it's going to be alright."

Ahsoka gulped in a mouthful of air and nodded.

She saw Master Che leaning over the bed, performing chest compressions. Another Healer was bringing a defibrillator over to the side of the bed. Ahsoka watched, heart racing in her throat, as Obi-Wan was shocked, as his body jerked off of the bed and landed with a quiet thud.

The monitors continued to wail, and Master Che leaned over Obi-Wan again to resume compressions.

"Again!" she shouted before moving out of the way, and the other Healers charged up the defibrillator before placing it on Obi-Wan's chest. The shock caused him to jerk upwards again, but this time his heart managed to start beating. The monitors stopped wailing, instead beeping much faster than before, as though something still wasn't right. The Force shuddered before it relaxed into a quietness that soothed the rawness worry brought into Ahsoka's mind.

Bant's hands tightened around her arms, and Ahsoka realized that this must be difficult for her to watch as well. She knew that Bant was childhood friends with Obi-Wan, that they were in the same clan as younglings. She couldn't possibly imagine how she was feeling.

"Get him intubated," Ahsoka heard Master Che say to another Healer. She felt Bant suck in a breath as her fingers tightened even more on her arms.

Master Che then pulled away from her patient and walked to Ahsoka. "Come, Ahsoka," she murmured.

"But—"

"He'll be fine. They're taking care of him. You can come back later," Master Che continued, then looked at Bant, who looked as shocked as Ahsoka felt. "Bant, you need to rest as well. The rest of the chip extraction surgeries can wait until tomorrow."

All the tension in Bant's body seemed to fizzle out in one moment as her fingers loosened their grip on Ahsoka's arms. "Come on, Ahsoka," she murmured, voice quiet.

Ahsoka took a deep breath and looked back at Obi-Wan again. He was as still and unresponsive as before, as if nothing happened, as if he hadn't just died again. A medical droid was carrying a machine to his bedside, while another Healer was adjusting the bed so that he was lying flat on his back.

"I know that what just happened was scary, but you must let the other Healers work, Ahsoka," Bant said, placing a gentle hand on her arm again.

Sighing, Ahsoka looked up at her. "He'll be alright?" she asked softly.

Bant hesitated. "He's still alive for now, Ahsoka," she replied. "You—you know that he might not wake up."

Oh, she knew that all too well. It was all that she thought about whenever she came here, the fact that Obi-Wan could forever be drifting between life and death, alive but unresponsive, lost. Gone.

"I know," Ahsoka replied. "I know."

And she wished so desperately for it to be any other way.

* * *

A little over three weeks later, Ahsoka woke up in the middle of the night, heart racing in her chest, to the sound of a crash coming from the common area. Pushing her blankets off of her body, she struggled to her feet and raced out of her bedroom.

There was no light in the common area, so she quickly reached for the light switch with the Force. Light immediately seeped into the room, eliciting a pained groan from the figure collapsed on the ground near Obi-Wan's bedroom.

"Master!" she shouted, rushing over to him.

Obi-Wan groaned, placing a hand on his forehead as he struggled to pull himself up. Ahsoka knelt down next to him and carefully helped him sit upright.

"Sorry," he murmured hoarsely. "Didn't mean to wake you."

Ahsoka shook her head. "Don't worry about that," she replied. "Are you alright?"

Obi-Wan paused. In the dim light his face was pale, and she was suddenly struck by the realization that he'd lost a _lot_ of weight over the past few weeks, probably since all of this started, before Master Qui-Gon's arrival to this time.

"Needed some water," he mumbled, somewhat breathlessly. He pressed a hand to his chest, bowing his head slightly. "Got dizzy, then I couldn't breathe."

"Can you breathe now? Do you need a Healer?" she asked softly, pressing down her worry, almost violently.

"Better," he mumbled. "Don't need a Healer…just need to get up."

Ahsoka nodded, carefully pulling her arm around his shoulders before guiding him upwards to his feet. Obi-Wan tottered for a moment as the dizziness seemed to overwhelm him, but Ahsoka managed to steer him to the couch and sit him down.

Once seated, Obi-Wan let out a deeper breath, relaxing slightly into the cushions.

"Stay here," Ahsoka instructed, standing up again. "I'll get you some water."

"Alright," he replied softly, and Ahsoka dashed into the kitchen. When she returned moments later, glass of water in hand, she found him still seated, eyes closed.

"Master?" she asked.

Obi-Wan blinked. "Thank you, Padawan," he said, taking the glass from her. He took a few slow sips, closing his eyes in relief as he drank.

"Better?" she asked.

Obi-Wan hummed, putting the glass down on the table. "Didn't mean to worry you," he said.

Ahsoka sighed. That's _all _he'd been doing for so long now, probably since his initial bout of illness on Ryloth.

But now, at least, it seemed that he was going to get better; it was only a matter of time. Obi-Wan was released from the Healer's Ward yesterday, and both Master Che and Bant told Ahsoka to watch him carefully, that his recovery would be slow.

"'Soka?"

Obi-Wan's slurred mumble brought her out of her thoughts. His eyes were closed again, but he opened them, tilting his head slightly.

"You…you said I died twice," he began. "Earlier, in the hangar a few days ago."

She remembered. After spending most of the day at Anakin and Padmé's apartment, while waiting for the Healers to come to take Obi-Wan back to the Ward, she'd told him, in an effort to get him to be honest with her.

"It…technically you didn't die that second time," Ahsoka said softly, thinking back. "You woke up for a few seconds a few days into your coma. You probably don't remember it," she began, twisting her fingers in her lap.

She couldn't look at him now without thinking of that terrible moment, of those weeks spent wondering, worrying, unsure of her own future in the Order.

"You woke up, and then your heart stopped," she continued. "And I—" She cut herself off with a sob, covering her face.

"Oh, Ahsoka." Obi-Wan's voice was quiet, but sorrowful. She couldn't really see his face well through the blurriness of her tears, but she was sure she saw melancholy shining in his eyes: not for himself, but for her.

Then she felt cool arms wrapping around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. She let out a louder sob, burying her head into his tunic. She heard his heartbeat echoing into her ears, steady and reassuring.

He was _alive_.

"I thought that you died, and that you wouldn't return that time," she whispered, shuddering as another fresh wave of tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Force, I'm sorry you went through all of that," Obi-Wan said. "I didn't—I'm sorry, Ahsoka. And I'm sorry that right now I'm not…well, I'm not myself," he continued, then chuckled humorlessly. "You didn't expect to have to take care of me like this, but you've been doing it so well, and I—I'm sorry."

Ahsoka shook her head and lifted it off of him, wiping her eyes. "Stop apologizing," she replied, sniffling slightly. "None of this is your fault, you know that. And I'm glad you're my Master; you shouldn't think of yourself like that."

Obi-Wan pressed his lips together. "Very well," he said finally with a faint smile. He yawned then, burrowing himself slightly more into the couch and propping his legs on the ottoman. "I think I might just fall asleep here," he mumbled drowsily.

Ahsoka yawned, suddenly exhausted by her emotional outburst. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I'll just—"

"You can also sleep here if you want."

Obi-Wan's voice was quiet, his eyes were half-lidded, but she could hear the seriousness in his voice.

Ahsoka glanced at the door to her bedroom, realizing that did seem like it was too far away. She grabbed a pillow and a spare blanket and settled herself into the smaller couch, lying down on her back.

By the time she was ready to sleep, Obi-Wan's eyes were closed, but she could tell he was just barely awake, dozing slightly.

"Good night, Master," she whispered.

Obi-Wan smiled, his face lighting up slightly, reminding her that _yes_, he was alive.

"Good night, Padawan," Obi-Wan murmured.

Ahsoka sighed and closed her eyes, allowing sleep to claim her.

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks for reading! Please leave a review on your way out, it would be much appreciated :)


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